REAL FORGIVENESS

Once upon a time, not very long ago and right here in this town I was trying to do Kerry a favor and drive his children to school. I say “his” children because we weren’t married yet, in fact, I don’t even think we were engaged. It was a cold morning and the windows were covered with frost. Having limited visibility, because I started backing up way before the windows were clear enough to do so safely, I backed his van into a big rock and scraped the side below the sliding door up pretty badly. I felt awful, and a little nervous. This was new ground for Kerry and I and I was not sure how big this was going to be to him. When he finally got home that evening, I took him by the hand and walked outside and showed him what I had done - HE LAUGHED! Then he said, “Is this what has been bothering you all day? I am so relieved; I thought you were mad at ME!” Then he said, “that can be fixed” and walked inside and never mentioned it again AND never had it fixed. So all of this time when I walk by and see that scratch on the door, I think “I bet every time he sees that scratch he remembers that I was careless with his things.” Which is dumb, I know because he didn’t even feel that way when I first did it.

Well, early Friday morning I took the van and all the children and drove the three hours to our other house so they could be there for the hot part of the day and the children could swim. Kerry worked part of the day and then drove my car up to meet us that evening. He walked in and said, “Sweetheart, I have really bad news, I was in a hurry to get going and I scratched your car when I backed out.” I said, oh well, if it’s that bad we will pay the deductible and get it fixed. Then he started telling me how wonderful and forgiving I was. So I said, "geez Kerry, I put a nasty scratch in your van and you never even let it bother you and you expected me to be mad at a little scuff on the bumper of mine?" (By that time the children had gone out to check the car and came in saying they couldn’t find the scratch). Here’s the amazing part! Kerry’s response? “You scratched my van?” He really had forgotten! I reminded him about the entire event and he said “Oh ya, I remember that.”

Is that amazing or what? He had forgiven me so completely that he had actually forgotten what I had done. He walks by that scratch in the van every time he opens my door for me and completely forgot that I put it there! Kerry is amazing!

So of course that got me thinking, I had apologized and been told I was forgiven. Still, I spent the last year and a half walking by that scratch and feeling bad about what I had done. Kerry? He had truly completely forgotten about it. I was beating myself up (and even assuming he was doing the same thing) for something he had long forgotten. I think that is what happens sometimes when we repent. We take the proper steps to repent, the Lord forgives us, and even though the Lord has completely forgotten, “I the Lord will remember them no more,” we still think of ourselves as less worthy. Spiritually speaking, we walk by the scratch and knock ourselves down a little bit. Worse, we assume the Lord does too.

I am SO GRATEFUL for a forgiving husband who is such an example of Christ like love and forgiveness. And, of course for a Savior who is anxious to forgive the mistakes I make every day!